Children and Conflict

Parents choose a faith-based school for their children for different reasons. Often there is the desire to expose their children to positive influences and to protect their children from exposure to negative culture.

Sometimes there are struggles, “I sent my child to a Christian school so he would not be exposed to behavior like this.” In a group of believers, we assume that everyone will be kind and loving, and we are disappointed when this is not the case.

As a “Christ-centered” school, one of Ambleside’s core values has to do with resolving conflict. The teachers, staff, and board members are committed to dealing with conflict quickly and directly. We encourage students to deal with conflict. One of the challenges of a school parent is learning how to help our child with conflict at school. Here are some ways you, as parents, can empower your children to resolve conflict at school:

Recognize that every conflict your child has under your care is an opportunity for training for the future, and that your child never has the full story. 

Listen to your child’s concerns with peaceful emotion.

Limit your questions, temper your empathy, and practice an empowering response….”Well, I am sure you will work it out—let me know if you need some help.”

Be careful not to provide an ear for unaddressed complaining; this is gossip and grumbling and you are training your child to be a passive victim rather than an agent of change. We all know adults who never learned a different habit.

If your child asks for advice about conflict, suggest something like this:
1) Have your student say, “I don’t like that. Could you please stop?”
2) If the situation doesn’t change (immediately), say, “I am going to have to get a teacher to help us.”
3) Tell them to go get help from an adult. This is not tattling; this is working out conflict in the way Christ has asked us to.

If your child refuses to deal with the situation at school, your intervention will be necessary to help him grow. Give your child a deadline: “Why don’t you talk to your friend about that tomorrow? If you can’t do that, I will go with you while you talk to your teacher and ask her for help. Of course, you will have to eventually talk to your friend face to face.”

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is our confidence that difficult circumstances are good, and conflict is an opportunity to grow. We can’t give what we don’t have, and our students will not learn to navigate conflict and become skilled in reconciliation unless we are showing them how. Christ says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35) This kind of love is not the easy way, but it is the way to life and peace. 

For the Children’s Sake,

Virginia Wilcox, Principal Ambleside School in Herndon, VA.